


Gone

by Tinkerbell2319



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinkerbell2319/pseuds/Tinkerbell2319
Summary: I'm sorry.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Clint Barton, Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 4





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.

*Bruce woke up the same way he had for the past four months. He stared at the ceiling for ten minutes before he had the motivation to move. Everyone kept telling him it would get easier, but every day felt harder than the last. Four months. Had it really been that long? It seemed like just yesterday, he was trying to figure out time travel while joking around with Natasha, Scott, and Steve. It still hurt like it was yesterday. He opened his closet door and took out the box Sam brought him. It was Natasha’s emergency luggage from being on the run. He pulled out the photo book and flipped through the pages. Everyone looked so happy. Tony wearing a glowing Rudolph nose at Christmas. Natasha smashing whipped cream in Clint’s face. The human pyramid incident. He saw one of himself, smiling shyly as Natasha grabbed his hand and pulled him into the frame. Each picture had a story, and it didn’t feel right that so many of those stories were over for good. He felt like he’d been dead for four months too. He just couldn’t take it! Looking at all of the smiling faces only reminded him that things would never be the same again. The way her scent lingered on her shirts like a ghost of something long lost was like torture to him. He couldn’t stand to think that she kept his sweater after he just up and left her. He had to get the box out of his closet. He called Clint and asked if he could bring it over. *

Clint: Thank you for thinking to bring it all here instead of just throwing it away. I know it hurts, I’m a mess too, but if we just remove every inkling of her from our lives we’re bound to regret it eventually. 

Bruce: Where should I put it? 

Clint: I’ve been keeping anything of Nat’s we’ve managed to salvage or find around the house in the spare bedroom you two stayed in after Ultron was created. It makes me feel like she’s there. Sometimes, I just sit in there and talk to her. My therapist says it’s a good way to get my feelings out in the open.

Bruce: You’ve been seeing a therapist?

Clint: Yeah, for grief counseling and to help with the guilt of what I did after the snap. 

Bruce: I might want to try that.

Clint: It’s helped me a lot.

Bruce: I could use all the help I can get. I just don’t feel like myself anymore. It feels like I’ve been dead for four months too. All six of us died that day, but four of us have to go on living. The other two are just gone. It doesn’t make sense. 

Clint: I know. I keep forgetting she’s gone because it just doesn't feel real. I keep going to call her and then remembering she isn’t going to pick up and I’d just get her voicemail. 

Bruce: If you get her voicemail, you still get to hear her voice. That’s what I’ve been doing. It still hurts after, but it’s nice while it lasts. This has been really hard for me. 

Clint: You think this has been hard for you? I had to watch her die! 

Bruce: I was just saying-

Clint: No! This hasn’t been easy for anyone, okay?! 

Bruce: I know it hasn’t! I never said-

Clint: No! You don’t understand how I’m feeling! She was my best friend!

Bruce: I do understand! I loved her!

*The words cut through him like a knife as he finally admitted out loud why he was so hurt. His eyes welled up with tears.*

Bruce: *voice breaking* I loved her.

*They stand in silence for a minute.*

Clint: Why did you leave her?

Bruce: What? 

Clint: If you loved her, then why’d you disappear? 

Bruce: The Maximoff girl showed me a vision of The Hulk killing Natasha. Neither Hulk nor Bruce could handle the possibility of that happening. I had to. I did love her, but I don’t think she knew.

Clint: If she were here right now, what would you say? Would you tell her you love her?

Bruce: No. I told her so many times after the snap, but she never believed it. I don’t blame her. Actions speak louder than words and I left her. I wouldn’t trust me either. If she were here, I think I’d just hug her and I don’t think I’d ever let go. If I knew the last time I saw her would be the last time, I wouldn’t have let the moment end. Not because I need her to love me or anything. It was just nice to know she was out there. 

Clint: I don’t think any of us would have. I didn’t want this, you know. It should’ve been me. 

Bruce: Don’t say that. If it had been you, she’d probably be saying the same thing. After everything she went through, do you really think she could handle losing you, too? 

Clint: I guess not, but that still doesn’t help. 

Bruce: *hugging him* I miss her too. I don’t think this is something I’ll ever get over, but I’m hoping it gets better. 

Clint: She didn’t. 

Bruce: What do you mean?

Clint: She said she was over you, but everyone could tell she wasn’t. We thought you were dead! She wasn’t terrible, but there’d be nights when Steve would call me not knowing what to do because she was crying in her room and he wanted to help her, but he didn’t know how to do it without bothering her. It killed her to know you probably weren’t coming back. She wasn’t as much of a mess as you are, but it was difficult for her. She thought you never loved her at all. She blamed herself for being naive enough to think you’d stay. 

Bruce: So she probably died thinking I hated her. 

Clint: Don’t be so hard on yourself. You were trying to protect her. You went about it all wrong and if you hadn’t she’d probably still be alive, but you did what you had to. 

*Clint couldn’t believe he actually just said that. Deep down, he felt like if Natasha and Bruce had just run off together seven years ago she wouldn’t have died, but he was never going to say that to Bruce’s face. He wanted to take it back but the damage had been done. *

Bruce: *sobbing* I know, okay?! I know it’s my fault she’s gone! I know she’s not coming back! I know she trusted me and I let her down! I know! You didn’t have to rub it in my face! I already feel terrible! 

Clint: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.

Bruce: No, you were right! Yell at me! Hit me! Make the outside hurt as much as it does inside! I deserve it! I messed up and she paid the price! I don’t even remember those two years, and she had to live them, feel them, and be haunted by them!

Clint: And now you have to deal with losing her for the rest of your life. You’re going to hurt more than she ever did. 

Bruce: No! Do it for her! Punch me or something! She never did, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t want to! If she were here right now, she’d be furious at me! 

Clint: She never hated you for what you did. She was angry, but she was mostly hurt. She just wanted you to come back, and you did. *pauses* Letting yourself cry does make it better, doesn’t it? 

Bruce: Yeah, a little. 

Clint: *hugging him* We’ll be okay, okay? Things aren’t going back to normal, but we’ll be fine. She told me things were going to be okay, and I’m going to believe her.

Bruce: I think I’ll try to believe her too.


End file.
